You’re walking on a bridge. You know the ones that are on a river, maybe a sea in Dubai? The ones which are wide enough to accommodate 3 lorries at once. The ones which have some kind of boundaries on either hand, not allowing you to fall to the depth of the unknown darkness that has not been explored. You’ve heard the stories of explorations though. Almost half the population has already dived in, describe how black that black really is, making you fear what lies below. But you are relieved, it’s not you that’ll fall, your road is much wider than theirs.
You keep on walking and suddenly it strikes you that the road is getting thinner, then it so happens that you find yourself walking on a road that isn’t enough to accommodate your two tiny feet at once. So, you walk. You move forward cautiously; the water calls you from below but you ignore it. It is alluring though. The blue water, so clear that you can almost see fishes swimming, it’s a happy family down below and, without a push, you fall. It is as if your subconscious knows that you belong down there, it’s a family down there, people you know. As you fall, you want to be a part of it.
But when the cold water touched your bare skin, you suddenly realize it was a big mistake. You like warm water, and this is ice cold. From your experiences, you draw that you will be able to adapt to the new environment, be able to change. Such optimism. And then it happens before you even have the chance to yell. Suddenly you’re quiet. You want to shout out but you fail to make sense of words. You see the world below. It is nothing like you’ve ever seen. There are ugly creatures swimming. And because the water is very dark, you only see them when they are close enough. In other words, you’re never well prepared.
They hit you, devour you and move on. You’re reminded of the time when you ate all the chicken wings greedily in a fast food restaurant. How tasty were they! Now its’s you and there are many customers, waiting in queue. And just when you think they’re being civil about it, they just hound you. They come from all sides, they smile at you, you can see their crooked teeth, they grab you, shake you, and grind you with all their might. You feel helpless, like the Hero you used to make fun of in movies when he was beaten into pulp by all the ‘villains’ in the ‘new age Bollywood’ movies. During all this, your optimism disappears and you’re suddenly left with an empty feeling in your heart.
After they leave, you touch the bottom of whatever it is. You cannot see it but smell the disgust that you have become for yourself. You contemplate on what wrongs you did to deserve this treatment. Sometimes you find many, sometimes there isn’t even one. In the meantime, you sense there is no one. You get up. Can’t touch anyone, you feel safe. You swim upward, there is a light above, you know because it’s the only thing you can see. You swim faster, afraid of being caught again. You propel your legs and mouth ‘Little more…just a little more’ and then, out of nowhere there is something pulling you down. You try to get rid of it with all your might but you can’t. It’s too powerful.
The rays of light somehow break into the surface enabling you to see what it is. You thank the person who has shown the light and then you see the ugly creature that’s pulling you down.
It’s you. A much uglier you. Beside it, some more. As the light spreads, you see the surface. It is all you. You cannot believe what you see. You cannot speak out. You want to know what you are doing there, how there are so many of you down there, but even before you could think of answers, you are pulled back into the darkness. Many of them. There are so many of them. They surround you. There is no escape. And you know there is no escape because the light that you could see just moments before has disappeared. One of ‘you’ has made it disappear.
And you keep on falling. Without resisting, you accept your position in this sea of YOUs. Then you suddenly think to yourself, it is family down here. No one really understand you above, on the bridge. But here you can say your heart out loud. Alas, you have given in. You have adapted successfully. You have become one of them.
DevudaSatya 